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Meantime Blues

Author: Anonymous, 02/99

As I sit here this evening on a rare moment that I've allowed myself to forget about work, I know I should be sleeping because I have such a busy day planned for tomorrow, but I'm filled with a realization, as well as some questions about my life.

I feel so alone, though I know I'm not because the Lord is always with me. I just wish He would bless me with patience. I'm afraid that I will never experience a true relationship with a man, but at the same time, I'm afraid of experiencing a true relationship with a man. I'm at the point in my life when all of my friends are either married or are settling down with that someone special while I have no one.

I'm only twenty six, yet a babe in most people's eyes, yet I feel that my life may be half over because my father died around the time he was twice my age. Back in those days, life was different. People married and had children at younger ages than they do now. Now everything is so structured. You can't get married until both parties are somewhat financially stable. Having children is even a planned event for the most part.

My father was thirty eight when I was born, mature for those times. He only got to spend thirteen years on earth with me and while every day the pain diminishes a little more, I know it will never be completely gone. I want to see my children grow into parents of their own. I want to have the chance to spoil my grandchildren, yet I'm afraid my mother will never meet hers.

Why do I want something that I know nothing about? Is it because all of my friends' lives are changing, while I feel as if mine is staying the same? Maybe. I just had a birthday. For once I decided to focus my attention on my friends instead of hoping that a man would make my day special. I invited all of my closest friends to come to New York to help my celebrate. The two who are married couldn't make it because they had more to think about than themselves, their husbands needed them for one reason or another. One of the matters was truly grave.

I don't blame my friends for finding their soul-mates and standing by their men, or at least I don't think I have ill feelings towards them. Two of my other closest friends couldn't make it because of other obligations, grad school and hard times. I don't blame them either. The ones that did come both have significant others. One's boyfriend is a long distance romance, yet he would have rather she not come and celebrate with me because he doesn't like the fact that she likes to have a few drinks every now and again. The other's boyfriend lives in New York as well and came to the restaurant just to keep an eye on her. Despite the fact that not all of my closest friends were there, I had one of the best birthdays that I can remember because I was surrounded with new friends and acquaintances.

I love myself and who I am. Everything has to be planned from grocery lists right down to the last penny in my checkbook. I guess that's why I'm worried about my future because it's not written out where I can see it in black and white. I know the Lord has my plan mapped out and He knows what's going to happen next. I just need to work on my faith in Him. I am getting better.

Times tend to get rough financially, but I've learned not to worry because I know "the Lord will make a way somehow." Deep down I know that one day the Lord will send my prince charming, whoever that may be. I just need to know how to handle, as Iyanla Vanzant so wonderfully wrote, the meantime.

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Your thoughts on 'Meantime Blues'

I can also feel what the lady is going through. Its true we can never see His big plan, but its also difficult at the same time to keep the patience. It seems that the time is skipping out of hands like sand, and you just can not do anything with that . If we try to hold our hand tight the sand will skip even faster but with pain and if we keep the palm open it will also get down. I am 24 and feels the same. I feel as if I am sinking somewhere as I can not find a single reason why I am not finding my soul mate while the others even not better than me are getting away with their beloved ones so easily. Why the life is going so hard for me? I used to have strong faith in God. Now its shaking yet sometimes I feel that God is taking His time to make the one made for me so capable that the special one can make my life eternally blissful.

I believe that Life always has three answers its question 1. If your life says 'yes' it gives you what you wished for . 2. If it says 'No' it wants to give you even better. 3. If it says 'wait' , then it wants to give you the BEST. So its better to have some patience and let the God trust us that yes my dear God , I still believe you that you can equally feel my pain and would not let me suffer any more. Thank you God for being with me(with a candle) even when I am weeping in the dark room of loneliness

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I understand the loneliness and concern for her future this young lady writes about. I felt that way when I was in my early twenties and it seemed everyone was finding serious relationships but me, and I was struggling to make a living in the mental health field. After many challenging years of dating, I met my husband as I turned 25, which now seems so young. We have been happily married for 6 years and are expecting our first child. I never thought I would meet such a wonderful man, and one's life can change so quickly.

It's important to have faith and find fulfillment in other areas of life, for I do believe when we are at peace that is when we are most likely to meet someone. Our energy is different and people respond to that. It's also important to keep living your life and do meaningful things you enjoy for that is how I met my husband, without even intending to.

It is so much better to have your time alone than to be with the wrong person. Once you find a companion there will be times you may long for a simpler time or for alone time. So make the most of it while you can. There is a plan that we can't always see, and life events don't always occur on our preferred time frames. There is always a reason. Have faith and learn to embrace your empowerment to appreciate your health, family, friends, and capabilities.

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